|
It's how you make me feel;
Monday, June 04, 2012
暖心
靠近你就觉得安心
因为你那双爱笑眼睛
你笑我 猫一样好奇
聪明又偏透着傻气
Darling 我想告诉你
其实我比你爱我更爱你
善解人意 浪漫话语
仿佛一切命中注定
你的体贴 温暖了我的心
就像夏天的风吹过那么凉爽安静
我轻轻依偎在你的怀里
天空挂满祝福的星星
你的体贴 温暖了我的心
就像倾盆大雨 舍不得淋湿爱你的心
我要唱给你听 陶醉在你给的甜蜜
It's how you make me feel.
♥
11:45 PM
|
Hiatus
Thursday, May 24, 2012
It has been long. I nearly forgot this source of comfort, my outlet.
I've been rather demoralised of late. That probaly reminded me that I still had this outlet to rant whatever I had to say.
I wrote this on my facebook wall this morning, which was apt in describing how I really feel right now.
"I slept for 11 hours only to wake up realising that i still feel the same. I woke up understanding that the quality of sleep is not determined by its duration but rather, the ability to sleep without having anything on your mind that will obstruct the quality of sleep.
I have been unconsciously carrying excess baggages which should have been put down long ago. I thought i have converted those baggages into sources of strength, only to realise recently that i have always been avoiding them.
I need to pace myself, find the courage to carry these baggages and convert them into sources of comfort in difficult times.
I need to stop, wherever i am, and realise that the world is still beautiful."
Truly, I still believe that the world is beautiful. I just need to pause and appreciate all that's around me.
Life's been tough. I've always believed that things happen for a reason, and obstacles are set to make a person stronger and learn life's lessons that cannot be taught. But it is difficult to learn life's toughest lesson - death.
A couple of nights ago, I dreamt of Daddy. I couldn't remember the exact details of what I dreamt of when I woke up, but it left me feeling insecure and lost. It's not the first time dreaming of Daddy, and the past dreams have always left me feeling comforted and reassured. This time just felt different. Very different. I dislike this feeling of not knowing what's happening and not feeling assured that everything's okay. I don't really know how to describe the feelings I'm experiencing, but it's impacting my life.
It was a tough setback for me when Daddy passed on. Particularly because I've hated him all my life and I only learnt to love him two weeks before he died. I was full of regret when he left. I thought that I had converted this regret into sources of comfort and strength to gear me on in life. But I was wrong. It was only after this dream that I've come to realise - I've never tried to let go of this baggage...
It has always been weighing down heavy on me; I've always been entangled in self-blame and denial. I've probably never really came to terms that he's really gone and I've just been living a life of deceit. I began to pile myself in work and studies and anything/everything that occupies my time. Unknowingly, it has become my way of hiding my true self.
The dream,
was a wake up call.
It's time to face reality.
"Take courage."
It's easier said than done.
Nobody said it was gonna be easy. But I've also come to realise that unless I learn to accept what's already gone, I will never learn to be strong...
Keep going.
Keep going.
12:14 AM
Friday, February 11, 2011
This blog seems to be extremely deserted now. Especially now that I don't blog that often anymore.
Work officially started for me at MindChamps on the 1st of Feb. I'd say that it really isn't that easy. Especially since the style at MindChamps is very different as compared to how CCK used to be. But it's a matter of adapting and getting used to it. After all, there are no two schools that are exactly the same.. Uni has resumed too. That makes everything even more tiring.. It's back to the dpt days, maybe the only good thing is working and studying helps me to lose weight. hahah.
While I was on the bus to work this morning, I thought of all my children at CCK. For some reason, I love to listen to my music and reflect back on some part of my life that has left a deep memory. And today, it's the children I've taught. I thought of those who came in with no speech. Zero. Yet graduated with just so much to say. I unknowingly smiled to myself when I recalled the first word they uttered, and till today, I can still feel that immense joy and happiness, as though that child was my child! To me, that's how teaching should be - to teach with your heart and soul. Each time I think back on the lives of the children whom I've once left an impact on, I feel comforted. And they become my fighting spirit in my career. They become my strength, when the heart seems weak.
Thank you children, for leaving footprints in my life. You'll never be forgotten.
With love, Teacher Valerie.
10:18 PM
Friday, January 28, 2011
遗憾
别再说是谁的错 让一切成灰 除非放下心中的负累 一切难以挽回 你总爱让往事跟随 怕过去白费 你总以为要体会人生 就要多爱几回
与其让你在我怀中枯萎 宁愿你犯错后悔 让你飞向梦中的世界 留我独自伤悲 与其让你在我爱中憔悴 宁愿你受伤流泪 莫非要你尝尽了苦悲 才懂真情可贵
11:37 PM
Sunday, January 23, 2011
I'm lost.
Help me to find my direction.
12:29 AM
Friday, January 14, 2011
Drained.
So very drained.
How do I move on from here?
To my hiding place..
10:24 AM
Thursday, January 13, 2011
我难过的是放弃你放弃爱 放弃的梦被打碎忍住悲哀 我以为是成全 你却说你更不愉快 我难过的是忘了你忘了爱 尽全力忘记我们真心相爱 也忘了告诉你失去的不能重来
2:46 AM
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
your son or my son?
._.
bad things come in pairs.
3:09 PM
Haven't been here in a long time. Been so caught up with job interviews and setting up my new found business which I hope is successful in the end.
In life, we don't get the best of everything. Like what people always say, "we win some, we lose some." In order to climb high, we have to compromise something else. To be understanding, to be more understanding, to be better understanding - I'm sick of hearing that. I have my limits too. And each time my limits are stretched, it always comes across that I don't understand. Just to climb in your career, all my time is sacrificed. I wonder how you'd feel if things were swapped the other way around. I'm neglected. To a point that talking on skype everyday doesn't cure these feelings. Because you're there, but not really there. Much as I make believe, you're not physically by my side..
I've never been a girl who believes in long distance relationships. Yet I'm doing it for you this time round. But you've really stretched your limits. If he's the one who has groomed you so much, you should concentrate on working for him then.
11:12 AM
Friday, December 31, 2010
What can I do/say?
but to accept everything that lies ahead of me.
such envy.
what a way to end the year.
12:38 PM
Thursday, December 23, 2010
RESULTS ARE OUT !!!
Intended to check after Christmas cause I was afraid to ruin the whole Christmasy mood. But when I logged onto Facebook, everyone from SIM in my friend list was talking about their results!! My heart was damn itchy and finally gathered all my courage to check.
BETTER THAN EXPECTED!!!
I was seriously jumping for joy. And the best grade came from the paper I screwed. Maybe they moderated it or something. But nevertheless, I'm so very happy! Merry merry jolly jolly X'mas !! =D
11:10 PM
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Hang in there;
Received a big surprise at my doorstep this morning! Registered post sent by the gym teacher from my ex-school. It was quite funny actually. Cause I always address her as Miss Eng like how the kids call her, and I've never known her real name. So when I saw the registered post, I didn't even know who was the one who sent it. After I opened it, it was a nicely wrapped Christmas bag with a Christmas card. It was only after reading it that I finally realised it was Miss Eng. What a way to know a person's name. Hahhaha. She gave me a cute ducky stuff toy and a traveller's wallet. Shall post up pictures tmr. It's so sweet of her to remember me this Christmas. (:
Met up with bro & bestest after that. Ky came along too. Funny things happened at dinner. For us to know. (: Pool after that & home. Ky's iPhone4 is tempting.
On the way home, I saw this couple on the train and I was reminded of Ryan. This trip seems so very long & slow. I'm not complaining that he's away. But words can hardly describe how much I miss him. This Christmas, all I ask is for my special one to stay safe always, wherever he is. And I believe, we'll pull through.
19101804.
11:47 PM
Sunday, December 19, 2010
Don't undermine your worth by comparing yourself with others:
It is because we are different that each of us is special.
Don't set your goals by what other people deem important:
Only you know what's best for you.
Don't take for granted the things closest to your heart:
Cling to them as you would your life,
for without them life is meaningless.
Don't let your life slip through your fingers
by living in the past or the future:
By living your life one day at a time,
you live all the days of your life.
Don't give up when you still have something to give:
Nothing is really over until the moment you stop trying.
Don't be afraid to admit that you are less than perfect:
It is the fragile thread that binds us to each other.
Don't be afraid to encounter risks:
It is by taking chanecs that we learn how to be brave.
Don't shut love out of your life by saying it's impossible to find:
The quickest way to receive love is to give love;
The fastest way to lose love is to hold on too tightly;
And the best way to keep love is; to give it wings.
Don't dismiss your dreams; to be without dreams is to be without hope:
To be without hope is to be without purpose.
Don't run through life so fast that you forget where you've been,
but also where you're going:
Life is not a race, but a journey to be savoured every step of the way.
10:48 PM
You've always been and will always be my greatest strength; my strongest support Now and always.
2:34 AM
Saturday, December 18, 2010
I'm nothing. I'm worthless. I'm useless.
I never would have thought - that's how I am in your eyes. Never would I have imagined you saying it in my face. And now that you have, my heart hurts. So badly. It's excruciating pain. For the many times I've put you before myself, I've never once expected to be credited for it. And now, you just see the bad. It's obvious? How about the good? Have I never done something worth praising? Or at least worth remembering? It was like that years ago. So is it now. And so will it be in the future. No matter how hard I try, it'll always be me me and me. And you don't have to try so hard to convince me. Because I am already convinced how worthless and un-needed I really am. And if it even helps to make myself feel better, I hate myself already.
12:12 AM
Wednesday, December 08, 2010
To give
After spending nights after nights thinking about it and reflecting through recent happenings, I've come to a realization - I'm enlightened. It finally dawned on me that it's because of the obstacles in the way that I've got to work even harder. And to always remember that at the end of the day, it's not so important as to whether they appreciate it or not. Because to give is to give unconditionally with no expectations in return. I'm glad. I've leveled up! Another level of growth. That night, I just needed to vent how I felt. I needed an outlet before I exploded like a volcano.
Nevertheless, this is a new beginning; another journey. I'm more sure than anyone else that these obstacles will make us, not break us. Because our love is strong enough to overcome anything in the way. 3 words, 8 letters, 1 meaning.
11:08 AM
Saturday, December 04, 2010
Misunderstood. Judged. Unaccepted.
10:21 PM
Friday, December 03, 2010
The destiny of giving the gal you desire her Destinee
Oh happy day! We've settled what we were suppossed to settle. This shall be kept in suspense. You know I know. (: I-nail-it has got a pretty good number of people viewing it, considering that it was only set up last night. Hope all of you spread the word around and get more people browsing through! I'm really interested in doing nail art for christmas, so if you have any friends who'd like to show me their support, please recommend them to me! Meanwhile, continue supporting i-nail-it ! =D
12:05 AM
Wednesday, December 01, 2010
Hello all !
I just set up a new nail art blog. Here's the address: http://i-nail-it.blogspot.com/ I added it to my side info as well. Please browse through and give your support ya! Do leave your comments there!
Double happiness
I'm soooooo excited!! Did a new nail art design last night. I was crazy enough to do it past midnight. Nevertheless, I'm so happy cause I've "ascended" to the next level of nail art. I used to be only able to draw flowers, but I tried to do curves last night. And I managed it! I know the white base is a little uneven on some fingers, but focus on the design and the curves! Yin & Yang inspired. (: Best part was, I managed it on my right fingers with my left hand too! Double happiness. Here's the pic for all to see! =D
Please give me your comments!
11:50 AM
Monday, November 29, 2010
Studies have shown that high self-monitors behave in a manner that is highly responsive to external cues in order to ensure appropriate public and social behaviours. They can be thought of as social pragmatists who project images in an attempt to impress others and receive positive feedback. In short, they are fake.
Conversely, low self-monitors do not share similar concern for social appropriateness. They exhibit expressive controls congruent to their internal states regardless of social circumstances and consider expressing a self-presentation dissimilar from their internal states as falsehood and undesirable.
Which are you?
In this real world, high self-monitors are generally the ones who survive better, be it in work or social contexts. They typically receive more promotions and ascend more rapidly in their careers. Such people generally have more friends too. Probably because they present striking contradictions between their public persona and private self.
Maybe, just maybe,
I should learn to be fake to survive..
It's a tough fight between my guardian angel and the devil's advocate. While my heart tells me to be true, my mind tells me that is not enough to sustain my survival in this real world. As time goes by, I realized that my social world is slowly shrinking, by itself, simply because I don't have the means to keep my friends. Maybe, it's tiring for people to keep up to your true self all the time. Or just maybe, humans generally prefer happy friends. That explains why you hardly see anyone beside you in your down times. And if you do, you know for sure that you can count on them. Many times, we tell ourselves that having a few true friends are good enough. And of course, we appreciate these friendships with all our heart. But, humans are born greedy. What is enough?
So many questions, left unanswered.
Who will answer them for me?
Time & time again, I can't help but feel that it's so difficult for people to walk into my life. I'm overprotective of myself, I hold my defence up high to disallow people to hurt me. I remember how I used to be the opposite, opening up my shell to anyone I deemed as my "friend", only to be backstabbed and hurt repeatedly. That period was tough time to get by. Life was weighing too hard on me; it was overwhelming. I cut myself with anything I could find, I tried to attempt suicide, I went into depression. Since then, I told myself that I'd never trust that easily anymore. I learnt to bottle myself up. I learnt to cry to myself. I learnt to trust no one, but me. My scars remind me never to walk through that hurtful past again...
Through the years till today, my blog has been my best friend. She stays by my side, uconditionally, providing an outlet for venting and comfort. She accepts me for who I am with neither discrimination nor disrespect. I turn to her each time I need a listening ear.
It's tough to understand what's on my mind. And I know how tough it is to even be my friend. Many have walked away because it's simply too trying. It's difficult for me too, to find friend who truly understand and accept that who I am today is because I never want to walk through that past again.
Maybe, just maybe, I should stay in my hiding place alone.
11:30 AM
Friday, November 26, 2010
Faith begins by believing in your heart that what is right has a chance.
Faith is knowing in your heart
that good can overcome evil,
that the sun will shine after the rain.
Faith is peaceful and comforting, because it comes from within
where no one can invade
your private dreams.
Faith is not something you can demand or command;
It is a result of commitment to belief.
Faith is believing in something you can't see or hear,
something deep inside
that only you understand
and control.
Faith is trusting in yourself
enough to know that no matter
how things turn out,
you will make the best of them.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Hope is not the closing of your eyes
to the difficulty, the risk,
or the failure.
It is a trust that if I fail now,
I will not fail forever;
and if I am hurt,
I will be healed.
It is a trust that life is good,
love is powerful,
and the future is full of promise.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Love is patient, love is kind.
It does not envy, it does not boast.
It is not proud, it is not rude.
It is not self seeking, it is not easily angered,
and it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil,
but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails. Where there are prophecies, they will cease; Where there are tongues, they will be stilled;
Where there is knowledge, it will come to pass away.
For we know in part and we prophesy in part,
but when perfection comes,
the imperfect disappears.
When I was a child, I talked like a child,
I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child.
When I grew up, I put childish ways behind me. Now we see but a poor reflection;
then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am full known.
And now these three remain: Faith, Hope and Love.
But the greatest of these is love.
9:47 AM
Thursday, November 25, 2010
I spent the morning re-reading "This is My Story" by Kasandra Kong. Despite reading it for a second time, I still feel her pain and her true emotions as she was writing this book. I truly applaud her for her courage to reveal the darkest secrets of her life. You can check out razortv for her latest interview. Life.
That's what I meant in one of my posts by some people fall harder than others.
Nevertheless, you don't learn without failure and pain. Neither do you find the courage to move on unless you've been through it yourself.
Be strong.
12:50 PM
"Laugh when you can, apologize when you should. Know that grudges are a waste of happiness. Let go of what you cannot change. Love deeply, forgive quickly, take some chances, give all you have got. Always try to take things in your stride and smile when you’re feeling sad. Remember what you’ve got but also love and cherish what you have now. Give all that you have, because life is too short to be anything else but happy."
12:19 AM
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
there weren't suppossed to be if-onlys.
Googled "freedom" and this is what I got. I would have walked out of Grand Hall 4 like this if I was well-prepared. It felt different from OB. When I opened the question paper, I knew - I didn't study hard enough. Just in my previous post, I was talking about living life with no regrets and having no if-onlys. Yet I'm so tempted to say, "If only I studied harder." But, no point saying it now because it's over. This teaches me a lesson. Never be too complacent. Mummy will say I'm always like that. This is what happened in poly sem 1. And it's repeating again. Why don't I ever learn? Nevertheless, it's over. And though I'm feeling quite shit about the paper still, I'm hoping that I'll forget about it when I wake up tomorrow. And looking forward to steamboat too! Just let me pass through this semester, and I promise to work harder next semester. I really will. If I don't, please slap me if you know about it.
Despite this shitty feeling, it's comforting to have you fetch me home on our special day.
(:
11:53 PM
Monday, November 22, 2010
L.I.F.E
Every once in a while, when work gets so tiring; when school gets so stressing; when life seems so unfair, don't we all just wish to take a break from our lives and run away to somewhere where we can forget all our worries? I always get life's inspirations from reminiscing; reflecting; and from others. No wonder life can be described as contradicting. Because it's bittersweet. The essence of life is not in its quantity or how many years you live, but in the quality; how you've lived your life. When you've led a meaningful life such that you can smile just thinking back, it's contenting enough. Life shouldn't be calculative. We shouldn't give to expect returns. Every now and then, as I look back on my life and the people I've met. I'm thankful. Even for the people who've walked out, I'm thankful, because they once left footprints in my heart. And because of them, I know I've learnt something new. We all fall in our lives - some more, some less, while some fall harder than the rest. But each time we fall, we grow stronger. We just need to find the courage to stand again in our own time; somewhere, somehow. Despite the many times I've fallen in my life, I know I've lived life to the fullest. Most importantly, live life without regrets. Don't have a day where you have to look back and say "if only.." Time waits for no man, just like the past will never come back to life. And to those reading this, appreciate YOUR life the way it is. Life works differently for everyone - because, you're special.
4:27 PM
Thursday, November 11, 2010
you've finally answered my doubts since 5 years ago. thank you for untying the knot in my heart. and baby, I'm really glad you understand. What more can I expect, than to have your trust.
12:14 PM
Wednesday, November 03, 2010
With heart aches, and eyes sore, yet all you did was ignore. Was that your definition of care? I tried to convince myself that you left me alone to let me cool down. But I failed. How could you be so heartless. To go to sleep and leave me here crying so hard for you. You said this problem keeps reoccuring, but has it dawned on you that it has never been solved? Because if it has, it never will occur again. Don't disagree with me to prove things wrong. Because you know it's true. I hate the way you make me feel when you hang up on me, crying, and I suddenly feel like, I'm all alone. I really hate it. I don't know what to say except that I'm utterly disappointed. You may find me selfish for saying all these. But unless I say it, my heart will always hurt. You say it's you to turn away and heckcare when people say things that doesn't concern you. So are you expecting me to accept that? Is that the solution to the problem? I don't know how you'd feel if I did that all the time. Trying. Is it hard enough? We've both been trying. But it just isn't hard enough.
10:27 AM
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
As I watched her tears roll down her cheeks, I felt so helpless. I cried along. I wish there was something I could do for her. We all know it better than anyone else, she's been trying so hard, too hard. But despite what I'm feeling, I must stay strong. Because if I don't, I don't know who'll be her pillar of support.
10:08 AM
Sunday, October 24, 2010
Happy 365 days. (:
12:12 AM
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Ryan surprised me by my bedside at 645 in the morning with his homemade oreo cheesecake and a happy birthday song. It was really a pleasant surprise. And I never expected him to remember that cheesecake's my favourite cause I think I only mentioned it once or twice. Moreover, to think he did it on his own, and it tasted damn good!
After that he "tortured" me by making me find my presents through a treasure hunt! I had no idea how he sneaked into my room to hide the presents. But after that I found out that he collaborated with my mum! And hid it while I was still sleeping! Anyway. Photos speak better than words. I know I look horrendously sleepy. It was 645 in the morning!! 
We headed down for prawning at Jurong and dinner @ Holland V's Crystal Jade steamboat buffet. A day well spent. (:
Thanks baby for planning everything for me today. I'm really really touched by all you did. And most importantly, I definitely had fun! I hope you enjoyed yourself as much as I did. We've both spent our first birthdays together, and we'll spend more in time to come. (: I know you've been really stressed out at work lately with the increased responsibilities. So please do take care of your own health and get more rest okay? Loving you always. 
11:19 AM
Monday, October 18, 2010
What can I say, except that I have the greatest friends one can ever ask for..
I received my first birthday present today from the guys. It was a box.
Bestest told me that everything in the box had a meaning. 
When I opened it at home, it was a box of perfume, 2 tubes of hand lotion, a letter with 4 glow in the dark stars and some folded stars. Hard as I tried, I couldn't guess the meaning of any of the items. Bestest said, "Count the stars and tell me how many are there." And I did - 29 folded stars! But, I still didn't get it. Finally, this is what bestest smsed me.
"There are 2 types of stars (which was 19 stars folded out of white paper & 10 stars folded out of glossy paper) which represents your birth date. Notice the 2 different textures of the stars. In life, there are always ups and downs. Sometimes things doesn't seem that beautiful. But don't worry when things aren't right. We are always there for you; small yet visible in the day and glowing in the night and leading you on. (referring to the 4 glow in the dark stars.) Each usage of perfume and hand lotion reminds you that we are always there. Bro said that the lotion is good for stylish nails. Do you still think we are kidding about those meanings? Haha. Lastly, remember we are always there for you, now and always.."
I cried as I read the sms. What else can I say, except that I have the greatest friends one can ever ask for. Bro called me, and told me that they got the present together, but told bestest to wrap it up and do something nice. And this is what he did. Bestest, words are not enough to describe how touched I am. I really don't know what to say. A simple gesture, yet had such deep meaning and impact on me. Thank you for using your actions to assure me how you'll always be there. With Ryan, you and bro, I always don't have to worry about anything even if the sky falls. And with the 3 of you, it's enough. Thank you bestest. From the bottom of my heart. Bro, of course I didn't forget you. Thanks for making this birthday so memorable. Thanks for the cake surprise at the bowling alley. With you all around, I always feel so loved. And I know that no matter what happens in the future, I never want to lose you or bestest's friendship. Because you 2 mean so much to me. I better not type anymore. These tears will never end. But yet, they are tears of happiness - knowing how much this friendship means to all of us, and knowing that we'll always be there for each other. Now and always.
Thursday, October 14, 2010
We belong together;
Tried running today with the intention of feeling more energized to do my assignment, but ended up feeling more tired than ever! Just 1 round around my house and I was flat. So much so that I sat downstairs for a while before walking home. Tsk. Getting weak. Bad. Was feeling dizzy too. Really got to arrange for an appointment to check about my low blood count. Came home, bathed, and went for another walk with Kor, Dasao and Aedan to visit mum at her workplace. She was excited of course! Principal wasn't in, so He laoshi asked us to go in. And I ended up working part time! Mum played with Aedan while I fed one of the infants. And when I was leaving, she cried! I haven't lost my "charm" as a teacher. wahahaha. =D I'm so shagged now to do my assignment. Roar. And it's due on my birthday. How motivating. On a happier note, Ryan's coming back tomorrow! It's not a feeling of excitement that brings butterflies to my stomach, but more of content - knowing that my love is finally back by my side.
1:22 PM
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Love is.
Physio today was good. Robyn said that I can start running and if it isn't sore, badminton's good! That made my day. Went physio on my own, walked around, bought a new skirt, mummy's favourite bread from four leaves & stationary from muji. Mummy went with me to get running shoes after work. I shall start tmr!
Spending time with myself feels good. It's something I've never enjoyed, yet starting to like. Though Ryan's away, this trip feels different. I feel like ...
I've grown. I no longer cry each night because he isn't around. I've come to terms that despite him being away, I know he'll be back. And though he isn't now, we'll always be together at heart.
I no longer throw tantrums when I don't hear from him before I sleep. Because I know, he must have more important things to do.
I no longer get disappointed when he promises to chat but we don't. Because I understand that much as he wishes to do so, his work hinders him and its not within his control.
Above all, I've learnt that love is not possessing. It's accepting. Respecting. Understanding. Trusting.
And loving,
unconditionally.
9:54 PM
There is an illusion of unanimity. If someone else doesn't speak, it's assumed he or she is in full accord. In other words, abstention becomes a "yes" vote.
1:33 PM
Monday, October 11, 2010
Of course, familes have only one new child every once in a while. Teachers have a whole litter each September. The family can concentrate on its one new product. It can search out the special strength, the special talent each new offspring bears. Yours is mass production, but your children must share your warmth. Your feeling for them must let them all say: "She's well ... I like her ... That's my teacher ... She's good."
Don't take this to mean that you treat all children alike. It is true: all your children must like you, not only the successful ones. But some of your class need to like you more than others. Some need more of your time, your friendliness, your good-will. Treat them all the same and your servings of yourself will be too tiny for some and a tremendous mouthful for others.
Your group includes boys and girls who, by their inherited nature, are more affectionate. They are more in need of warm people, more eager to find good adults to pattern after. That is their way of being. Their greater need is as much a part of them as the colour of their eyes or the hair on their heads. Nature builds into every child the necessity to like adults, but she does not use a measuring spoon, giving each an identical dose.
Other boys and girls need more of you because of their private lives they have lived: father is dead ...mother works ... family is busy ... parents are stern ... home is full of older and younger brothers and sisters ... The reasons can be almost as varied as the genes that go into each human's original self. Like nature, life also does not follow a recipe book - an exact even teaspoon for every child.
Recognizing differences does not only mean that you pay attention to each individual. It means that you pay each individual the attention he needs ...
3:58 PM
Thursday, October 07, 2010
H.O.P.E Was speaking to an online friend just now. Got to know him through gaming last time, and he's only in his N's this year. He sees me as an elder sister, and we happened to talk about my past. I told him that no matter how tough it may seem, never walk in my footsteps, and never try to stand only when it's too late. The conversation brought about memories. And as I looked at the scars on my arm, it was a reminder to never stop working hard. I don't see it as a scar to my life. Instead, it wakes me up in times when I need a slap in the face. The scars have followed me since secondary school, and they probably will till my skin gets wrinkled, but it will always be a remembrance - to never walk the way I used to do.. Many often ask, "What's the meaning of the tattoo on your hand?" And I often entertain them with, "No lah.. just want to try how tattooing feels like." When in actual fact, the star signifies hope. While the flame around the star signifies that hope will never stop burning in my life. When I look up at the sky, I see hope. When I look at children, I see hope. That's probably why I even became a teacher. You can give up on everything else. But once you give up on hope, you're nothing.
Monday, October 04, 2010
If only I understand, I've got to understand better.If only I know, I've got to deepen my knowledge.If only I accept, I've got to learn to accept it with all I have.And if only I try, I've just got to try harder.Simply because, good is never enough.As long as we try, there'll always be a way to try harder,and do better.And I believe I will.
12:31 PM
Saturday, October 02, 2010
I dreamt of daddy. I dreamt that He wasn't dead. I actually dreamt that He came back to life. I woke up feeling confused, and helpless. I'm missing you Dad.
1:09 PM
Thursday, September 30, 2010
It's fate.
二妈 called me the other day and told me that the childcare she's at is looking for a toddler teacher, and asked if I was interested. I definitely was! In fact, I'm dying to go back to work. Have been feeling idle for way too long, and I feel that I have the capability to work again. I had to say no. My mc was extended till October when I went for my last review. And if they find out about my mc, things will be awkward and I won't be lawfully right either. I was very emotional about it. To think I have to give up an opportunity that came knocking on my door because of an accident which was of no fault of mine. Some may feel, "Opportunites will come again." But all I feel is how this accident has robbed me of my life. It intruded, & disrupted my life so abruptly, leaving more than mere injuries and superficial wounds. It robbed me of my job and my happiness - what was rightfully mine. It isn't just about claiming money anymore. They can pay me, but they can never erase this nightmare.
Monday, September 27, 2010
no amount you pay can make up for the damage you've inflicted on me. damn it.
11:24 PM
in the process of
healing.
10:23 PM
Saturday, September 25, 2010
thanks buddy for your koi bubble tea. much appreciated. (: I feel truly blessed. Thinking about my true friends around me is enough to make me smile.bro & bestest, i've probably said countless thank you-s of late. but they never seem enough. thank you for taking time our of your busy lives to talk with me last night. it's enough to make me contented till... ... 19th october! =D
11:16 PM
Friday, September 24, 2010
Charmaine, bro & bestest:thanks for your tags. it made me drop tears. i doubt i can ever find better friends in this world. i know you all care. but don't worry. i'm okay. Charmaine, you have your own things on your mind. Bro, you should focus on your work. Bestest, school is enough to drive you crazy. I'm not pushing you all away. You all have more than enough on hand. I beared with the heartache and chose to walk away because I didn't want to hear.
I agree that running away doesn't solve anything. But if you respect me, then let me be alone. Because talking about it over and over again just triggers the hurt in my heart.
1:39 PM
Thursday, September 23, 2010
utterly disappointed.
intolerant. impatient. anger. who doesn't have flaws? so much for the eve of the 11th.
4:01 PM
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
you dropped me like a bomb this morning. too sudden for me to accept. i don't even know how to express what i'm feeling now. just wish, to runaway from reality; yet knowing that it's going to slap me in my face sooner or later.
how will 1 year ever feel like ?
11:53 AM
Monday, September 20, 2010
walked round and round and
when I can't what I want to find, disappointment sets in. :(
12:25 AM
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
to each its own; Night class was good, yet disastrous. Jeannette was telling me how good a lecturer Frederick is, and I witnessed it tonight. He's a funny guy, saying many logical things which deepens my thoughts. It's indeed different studying at EtonHouse and here. And I definitely miss studying at EtonHouse more - where the people who study early childhood are really passionate about learning. Whereas for here, it makes me feel that they're just learning because they have to, which is the mentality of many teachers nowadays. To upgrade because it's a requirement. I felt familiar with an ECE module, finally no strange business terms. It was weird though, especially at discussions with j around. I definitely can't come to terms with what she has done during OB assignment, and for one, I strongly dislike people who try to force their opinions on me. No two people are the same, and no two people share the same views or perspectives of things/issues. Facing her was an obstacle. Somewhat I wanted to bury my head underground and secretly wish 10pm would arrive faster. Charmaine's right - we both have strong characters, and started off on a bad footing. But I stand firm in my beliefs. And I strongly believe in having my own opinions about things. Neither will I make the first move to speak face-to-face with her, because I don't see why I should be doing it. I know I'm stubborn. But don't talk me out of it. Librans bear grudges for a long time. It's a very true character trait. Afternoon was bad enough. But night class just made it worse. The way you said it made me feel like her words left a much deeper impact than mine. Simply because I've been saying the same thing for weeks/months yet nothing was done. She said it for the first time today and you wanted to take immediate action. You say you didn't mean it that way. But your actions proved otherwise. It's a misunderstanding. I know it too. You asked me what would make me less pissed. Maybe, just time.
11:15 PM
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
simplicity is bliss. For the first time in 2+ months, Ryan and I finally got to go out. With no barriers - no wheelchairs; no crutches. Just a near attempt to IMM was enough to make my day. It felt even better walking around with him buying our stuffs. We were on a shopping spree! This feeling is good. It's enough to make me contented for a while. (: I bought mooncakes for his mum. It's from BakerzInn. Snowskin with 4 different flavours - Rum & Raisin, Whiskey, Peach Champagne (i think) and another one I cannot remember. Something really unique and different. Hope she likes it. Am really hoping to go to Far East soon to get my nail art stuff. I'm super fascinated by it. And I can't wait to try it! 
It's enough to keep me contented.
♥
11:21 PM
Monday, September 13, 2010
When you're down and troubled
And you need a helping hand
And nothing,
nothing is going right.
Close your eyes and think of me
And soon I will be there
To brighten up even your darkest nights.
You just call out my name,
And you know whereever I am
I'll come running,
To see you again.
Winter, spring , summer, or fall,
All you have to do is call
And I'll be there.
You've got a friend.
If the sky above you
Should turn dark and full of clouds
And that old north wind should begin to blow
Keep your head together and call my name out loud
And soon I will be knocking upon your door.
You just call out my name,
And you know whereever I am
I'll come running,
To see you again.
Winter, spring , summer, or fall,
All you have to do is call
And I'll be there.
You've got a friend.
Specially dedicated to the three of you. You better know who you are. (:
11:50 PM
The birth of Aedan has changed our lives. He has brought; and still bringing - much joy and smiles to our faces. His every action; his every attempt to smile stops time at that beautiful moment. Children are blessings. They make the world seem so easy to live in. And it's looking at Aedan that makes me realise - life can be so easily contenting .. .. Classes are starting on Wednesday. And I think I'm really gonna feel it this time round, going for lessons every week. Today was pretty fruitful. Accompanied Aedan to the hospital for his checkup, pretty d.i.y flowery nails, nap, bringing Aedan to see his favourite stars on my ceiling, my first time feeding Aedan. It's contenting.
Friday, September 10, 2010
"I've made a vow, to no one but you, VAL
I pledge my love to forever be true
I'll take care of you and treat you right
I'll hug you and kiss you and give shelter in the storm
I'll help you and guide you and clear a path
I'll protect you and shield you from an angry man's wrath
I'll listen to your problems help you solve them too
I'll make you a rainbow and let the sun shine through
I'll take your side even if you're wrong
Just to prove our love is strong
I'll plant you flowers and make them grow
They'll be a symbol of love that only we'll know
I'll whisper your name when no one is near
So low that only you can hear
You'll feel my love even if we're apart
You'll know that we are one in heart" Ryan.
9:13 PM
Thursday, September 09, 2010
"F" is for Fun - That friends share when they are together.
"R" is for Reliability - A true friend is someone that you can always rely on.
"I" is for Interest - Someone who is genuinely interested i...n you, your fears, joys, and life.
"E" is for Energy - They pick you up when you are down, and give you the energy to go on and believe in yourself.
"N" is for Nothing - Nothing is ever too much, no matter what time it is, night or day.
"D" is for Distance - Although the miles may separate you, a true friend is never far away.
"S" is for Secrets - Your feelings and personal/private thoughts that you can only share with a friend.
"H" is for Happiness - The way I feel when we are together.
"I" is for Inseparable - Through good times and bad, tears and laughter. A friend will always be there for you.
"P" is for Perfect - The friendship that you and I share. You make normal days into special days. Turn my tears of sorrow into tears of laughter. My world is a brighter place due to the friendship and love that we share.
With love always.. :) Thanks bro. Nice description of our friendship. Where can I find a better friend? Probably nowhere and no one in this life. You're the definition of a true friend. And I know that whatever happens, I can always count on you to be there. Because you've always been there. No matter the time, no matter where you are, you've always been there. And I know you'll continue to be there no matter what the future brings. I don't need many friends in this life. Because having a true friend like you is more than enough. I don't hang thank yous by the corner of my mouth. Because words are really not enough to express how much I treasure our friendship. From the bottom of my heart. (: And of course bestest, I didn't forget about you. (: You may be different. You may bottle up your thoughts. But you and I both know how much you weigh our friendship. And I hope I'm not wrong! :x Thank you for constantly worrying about me. (Bro betrayed you!) Much as you don't spell it out in my face, we both know you're equally concerned. Thank you for your promises - to be there now and always. Thank you for caring and encouraging me in your own little ways. But it's these little ways that gives me strength to pick myself up from where I fell. Now and always bestest. (: And lastly my love, you don't need long passages or paragraphs of text. Because you know better than anyone else - no one can ever take your place in my heart. Not in this life. (:
Wednesday, September 08, 2010
to love; and to hold.
Good morning my rainy world. Bro and dasao went to the hospital early this morning to induce her baby. I hope all's well. (:
Tossed and turned the entire night. Hardly got any sleep. I've been thinking. This is another obstacle I've yet to cross. And I've come to realise that if I'm strong; I've got to be stronger. If I'm understanding; I've got to be more understanding. It's me; it's a hurdle that I've got to cross on my own. No one can help me. Because unless I come to terms with it, it will always be on my mind. " Baby, don't misunderstand me. I never had second thoughts just because of what I'm feeling. Neither am I blaming you. Because this situation is not something that you or I want. We both know deep down that you're doing all you can for a better future. And I thank you for working so hard. These thoughts and feelings are something I've got to learn to cope with, and this is just the beginning. I've never thought of giving you up, because I am certain that I want to spend my life with you. And because of that, I'm going to learn to accept you for everything you are, including your job and how busy you're gonna be. Please give me some time. It really isn't easy. But no matter what, I will face it. No matter how long it takes, please always remember that I'm always here waiting for you to come back. I love you. ♥ "
our happy memories.
now and always.
11:24 AM
Tuesday, September 07, 2010
Hates the sinus every morning. It's torturing. :(
I got my marked ob gba yesterday. Hmm. My part was alright, but I wasn't totally satisfied. I expected much better, and I think it's time to lower my expectations. I've got to learn so stop being a perfectionist. Ive got to learn to take pride in my successes, and accept my failures as opportunities for new beginnings. Life is a never ending lesson. And because of that, we have new things to learn everyday... Everyone's been so busy lately. Ryan's busy with his work/tuition. Bestest's seems super busy and stressed in school. Bro's busy with his events. Feels lonely without the 3 musketeers by my side. It's a sign for me to get busy too!
Where art thou ryan? you're so near yet so far. :(
12:49 AM
Sunday, September 05, 2010
Just, not in the right mood.
10:20 PM
We're 4 hours apart. Ryan left for Abu Dhabi yesterday and he'll only be back on Wednesday. Wish he was with us for zs's birthday party. As he goes on business trips more and more frequent, I guess I'm slowly getting used to the feeling. Not saying that I don't miss him at all, but I'm able to cope with my feelings better now. Though I know that the nov one is gonna be difficult. Since the longest he's been away was a week. And this is gonna be a month at least. But I know that I cannot be so selfish. Because love is giving the person the happiness he/she deserves..Take care over there baby! I'm waiting for your return. (: Was really shagged today. Fhilis and Fabian came over after church. Revised on her work, brought them to the playground with kor after that. Bathed for them. Tapped Fabian to sleep. I was so shagged that I fell asleep too. Finally feel as though it's really tough being a mum. hahhah! Anyway, not a long post. Too tired today. Tomorrow.
7:58 PM
Saturday, September 04, 2010
Till we meet again, Goodbye ... And so, the day arrived. The day to bid goodbye. Feelings of fear as I sat in the cab. Maybe because, goodbyes are never easy. I felt it as we were nearing school. But as soon as I heard my childrens' voices, I smiled. I was excited. I couldn't wait to hug them. They saw me and started going, "Teacher Valerie Teacher Valerie! I mist you!" It felt great calling out their names again. I'd never trade this feeling for any riches in this world. Prior to this, Teacher Linda and Mrs Lee told them there's gonna be a surprise. But didn't mention anything about me coming. However, my clever children guessed and said, "Is the surprise Teacher Valerie?! Yay!!! Teacher Valerie is coming!!!" They were so cute. They even told the principal, "When Teacher Valerie comes we cannot be so rough, cannot touch her legs, cannot even touch her toes because her leg pain cannot walk." They are really really my pride. I gave them the goodie bags, and took photos with them. Check out my facebook. Mrs Lee was telling me that this week, the children did an art piece on "What do I want to be when I grow up?" Jinwoo drew me. The teachers thought he didn't get the objective of the art piece. But he said, "No! This is Teacher Valerie. I want to be like Teacher Valerie when I grow up." I was really touched deep down inside out. When I was about to leave, Bethany asked, "Teacher Valerie, is it when next term you will be okay then you can come back?" Yet I had to say, "I'm sorry Bethany. I don't think my leg will be okay so fast. But I see how okay? If my leg is better, I will come back to see you." The children kept telling me "Be careful okay. Slowly. Got step there." When a teacher gets such care, concern and sweetness from her children, there's nothing more she can ask for. My children are my strength. They are my pride. And it's because of them that I found the courage to smile in front of them. I read some emails from my parents, and I cried while reading them. Thank you, even if you won't see this. From the bottom of my heart, thank you. This is the my highest form of honour.
Friday, September 03, 2010
hey friend, i'm happy for you. don't worry about what comes, because like what you said, only time will tell. no matter what happens, i'll be there should you need a listening ear. nothing else matters as long as you're happy. it's like what they say, it's better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all. whatever it is, i really hope you can find your true happiness. and i believe you will.
12:33 AM
Thursday, September 02, 2010
Give me a heart that never fears. Been feeling so restless lately. I seem to have lost my drive; the motivation I used to feel so strongly. I no longer feel the urge; nor the desire. I used to hate sitting around and not doing anything. But now, I've become a couch potato. I hate this feeling. I really want my life back. The life that truly belongs to me ... ... It's Thursday. Tomorrow's Friday. I'm damn excited to meet my kids again. But please give me lots of courage. Walking into school will already stir up lots of emotions. Help me through this. Help me to be brave enough to say; goodbye ... ...There's nothing everlasting in this world. When we say "hello", we must be prepared to say "goodbye" some day. Maybe the only difference between different people is just a matter of, when. Moving on is a simple thing. What it leaves behind is hard. But life is about making the right decisions and moving on. Isn't it? Courage is not the absence of fear. But simply moving on with dignity.
Letting go doesn't mean giving up. It means - moving on. And it's one of the hardest things a person can do. Life forces us to realize that letting go means accepting things that are not meant to be. It means maturing and moving on, no matter how hard you have to fight yourself to do so. Time for me to move on. And create new beginnings.
2:36 PM
Wednesday, September 01, 2010
Count your blessings. I'm so shagged. Spent the morning clearing my cupboard to make way for more uni stuff. Only 1 shelf left, and I honestly doubt it's gonna be enough. See how it goes. It was interesting flipping through my past diaries, refreshing memories. Threw away stuff that belongs to the trash. Mrs Lee & Uncle Bernard came to visit me today. Told me that Siying hasn't been eating since the day I met with the accident, simply refused to want anyone else but me. And her mum has decided to withdraw her. It's really depressing to hear. I vividly remember when she first enrolled in this year, her mum was very skeptical about how Siying would adapt. Prior to this, Siying was enrolled to another kindergarten, and withdrew after a while because she couldn't adapt. I spent months and months assuring her and I became her best friend. She would look for me everywhere she went, and she'd always give me her biggest smile whenever she saw me. She went home and started imitating me, and her mum was shocked to see how well she was able to adapt. Now that she's going to another school, I'm really worried. But there's a limit I can do. That just makes it more depressing. I heard a piece of shocking news last night. It was terribly horrible. Gives me goosebumps each time I think about it. I can't believe this is sucha small world. Thank God I didn't encourage bestest any further. Should anything have happened, I'd feel guilty all my life.
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
hopeless romantic. I was so so happy when I heard about bestest yesterday. So much so that words can't describe this kind of happiness. So much so that I was smiling at the sms, as though I was in the situation.. Felt so silly and talked to bro about it, and he said he knows this kind of feeling. It's when you truly feel happy for someone from the bottom of your heart. And it feels good! I better not attend both of their weddings in future. I will probably need lots of tissue. I've been thinking, and I've come to realise a point - 原来你什么都不想要。When friends around me tell me about the girls of their dreams, I often strongly encourage them to go for it. More often than not, they always just go, "nah... this is enough." And I'd be thinking in my heart, "why! it's a good chance!" But, I finally understand. Being a friend and that pillar of support, having the girl you like turn to you in times of trouble can be more fulfilling than the risk of being a lover. And that's how true love should be - not about possessing; keeping her by your side, but giving her the happiness she truly deserves. Such love is courageous. Such love deserves my admiration. Another life lesson learnt. To my dearest Charmaine, you seem to be going through alot lately. And I don't know how to help you except to be there for you. You'll probably need my ears alot once ece module starts, cause you have just so much to update me! Life's tough. And it's easier said than done to take life easy. But I promise to be there for you to rant & vent. I remember my hug for you once my leg's okay. For the time being, stay strong and keep your smile up. Love you babe. (: If I could turn back time 1 month 18 days ago, I'd be celebrating teacher's day today, receiving hugs and warm wishes from my dearest kids, getting flowers and happy teacher's day cards.. But it's a fact - whatever has happened, has happened. It's time to wake up and face reality.
Sunday, August 29, 2010
In three words, I can sum up everything I know about life; It goes on.
11:20 PM
"Coincidence is God's way of remaining anonymous."
11:18 PM
Saturday, August 28, 2010
where there are beginnings; there are endings
Writing farewell cards to my children was tough. It was difficult putting my emotions aside to complete the stack of cards. Nevertheless, I did it, despite crying as I wrote each card. Every child has come a long way with me. I vividly remember the first day of school, when all of them were clinging onto their mothers' legs, refusing to follow me. Yet today, they are crying each time it's a weekend because they want to come to school. It's a joy to monitor their improvement, to see children who never knew how to write writing with confidence; to see children who never learnt to smile smile with greatest joy; to see children who couldn't accept me initially run from afar to hug me; to see children waiting for me at the gate just to update me on what happened at home. So many memories of them that I will always keep in my heart... It is with deepest regrets that I made the decision to leave. Simply because I know that with my restricted movements, I can no longer give children the best I used to be able to give them. As much as I can't bear to let them go, everything that has a beginning has an ending. Goodbyes are never easy, but I know I just got to do it. Thinking of the impact I've left in each child's life is enough. I don't ask for more, but just keeping these memories close to my heart. No one is indispensable. And I know that after I leave, someone will take over. I'll constantly think about whether this teacher loves them as much as I do; whether she knows each child's different learning style; whether she knows who takes on the soft method and who takes on the hard method. But I guess there's nothing much I can do but move on... they'll stay close to my heart. Now and always. " May the road rise to meet you May the wind be always at your back May the sunshine warm upon your face May the rains fall soft upon your fields.
May God hold you in the hollow of his hand.
For every storm, a rainbow. For every tear, a smile. For every care, a promise. And a blessing in each trial.
For every problem life sends,A faithful friend to share. For every sigh, a sweet song. And an answer for each prayer... "
10:40 AM
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
It has been long. Really really long. Had an urge to blog once again after such a long time. Through this time of "disappearance", many things have happened which nearly turned my life upside down. About a month ago, I was on my way home after work in my colleague's car. Miss Mary and Miss Margaret alighted first to go to Westmall, leaving Shane and I at the back seat. We were happily chatting and about to make a right turn when another car came speeding from the opposite direction. She swerved her car and crashed directly into the door I was at. I vividly remember seeing the car crash into me, and I lost consciousness. When I woke up, I saw blurred images of Miss Margaret and Miss Mary running towards me. The window was down. The rain fell like droplets onto my arm. I was alone. Where did everybody go? I held on tightly to my neck. I couldn't move. Immense pain. Miss Mary asked, "Val are you okay?" I remember nodding my head. I felt so very tired... so sleepy... I just wanted to close my eyes. Miss Mary kept talking to me for fear that I'd go into a concussion. I really had no energy... I was afraid. "Daddy, please protect me. Please help me..." A passerby called for the ambulance and it came after a while. The door was stuck and they had to try to pull me out from the other door. I cried and screamed for help as they shifted me to the stretcher. I was in excruciating pain. They brought me to NUH's A&E. I saw Mummy, but I couldn't talk to her as they were wheeling me in. They tried to shift me to the hospital bed. I held onto the railing of the bed with all my might. I cried and screamed for help. But they shifted me all the same. That pain was excruciating. It's much much more than you can even try to imagine. They jabbed me with painkillers after painkillers, hoping to bring down the pain. But it didn't. The nurse passed me a phone with mummy on the line. I cried as soon as I heard her voice. Nothing best describes the fear I was going through. I wanted to see her. They admitted me into the ward and finally wheeled me there. I saw mummy, ryan, miss mary, he laoshi, miss margaret, sr jo, sr marilyn, sr theresa and sr geraldine. Mummy held on tightly to my hand. Yet all I could do was look into her eyes and say, "I cannot move". I broke down and cried. At that instant, my life seemed to lost its direction. I couldn't do anything. I couldn't even move... I thought discharging from hospital and coming back home was the end of my nightmare. Who knew. It was just another beginning. I started having nightmares of the accident. I couldn't turn while sleeping. Sleeping just on my back made my back so hot, it felt like it was on fire. Crying to sleep became a habit. I really wanted to walk. Things took a positive change. The painkillers finally worked. I didn't feel that much pain as time passed. And as I tried to stand, I finally could. No words can describe how thankful I really am. This has truly been a nightmare. Just blogging about it brought tears to my eyes. But it is an experience. It has made me slow down my pace to appreciate the people and things around me. It has made me realise how fragile and unpredictable life really is. It has made me understand how precious my life is. Most importantly, it has made me cherish my pillars of support. Because deep down in my heart, I know they are and will always be my important ones. And I know that come what may, I will always be there for them the way they have been here for me. You probably won't get to see this. But I know how trying this period has been, both for me and for you. It hasn't been easy looking after me. I know that. But nevertheless, without you, there wouldn't be me. And without your support, I know I wouldn't have pulled through. Mummy, thank you for all the sacrifices. I don't say it. But I know best. And I'll keep all these in my heart. No one in this entire world can ever take your place. And i know that no matter what happens, you're the one I'll always love most. It hasn't been easy on you too. And I'm thankful for having you by my side, dropping by more frequent despite your busy schedule. Giving me the assurance that you'll never leave me was more than I could ever ask for. Knowing that you're patiently waiting for me to stand up and walk by your side again motivates me to get well. I'm thankful. Really thankful. And I'm very sure you're the one i want to walk with for the rest of my life. Thank you for not giving up on me. Thank you for believing in me. Thank you for just loving me. No way will I trade anything for this feeling. (: The both of you are the bestest friends anyone in this world can ask for. If anyone were to ask me to define the value of friends, you two fit the definition best. With you 2, i always feel like i don't have to worry about anything at all. You 2 always make me feel like even if the sky were to drop on me, you 2 will be there to help me out. I cannot thank you both enough for constantly being by my side to encourage and support me in good times and in bad. I don't need many friends. Because I know having the both of you are enough. Never in my life would I ever want to lose any one of you. (:
4:17 PM
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
seem to have lost all inspiration & time to blog.
11:31 PM
Sunday, May 23, 2010
find solace
in the midst of woe. i must find a way.
9:52 PM
Friday, May 21, 2010
Hypocrisy stared at me. Yet all they did was smile.
10:53 PM
Thursday, May 20, 2010
what could have been a happy conversation.
11:16 PM
only when we are
no longer afraid
10:52 PM
a time for grievances to motivate me. a time to for grievances to
once again, you have proved that
6:24 PM
sweetest moment. ♥ you made me a very pampered girl when you sent lunch. it made me smile to myself as i recall your hurried look. it was my sweetest moment. new cupboard has arrived! packed despite being on mc. roar. it makes my room look a lot neater. i'm going back to work tmr though i'm on mc. roar.
4:39 PM
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
my disfigured toe. my wardrobe's sliding door gave way this morning and decided to land head down on my toe. numb to react. excruciating pain. and tears just flow. i should thank God the mirror didn't break. it's a solid wooden door btw. ouch. poor toe's badly disfigured. mc for 2 days. the doctor suggested that if the pain persists for a week or more, got to go for an x-ray. it hurts just by touching it. roar. just wasn't my day. Sorry to ai ren and the group for not being able to meet you tmr. =(
Monday, May 17, 2010
IRONMANNNNNNNN Two thumbs up! Should catch it. The surprise left a warm fuzzy feeling i can't forget. Flying kisses for you! Relived the memory 6 months ago. ♥ Disheartening. Loss. Judgemental. Unfairness.
11:23 PM
Sunday, May 16, 2010
Think about me; Forget me not. It was a night full of thoughts. Should i have read it earlier, would our ending been different. Somewhere in between. Sweet moments. A fresh start. Unforgettable. A motivation to keep it going. It must have been my right choice. It IS my right choice.
11:47 PM
Tuesday, May 04, 2010
YIPEE! Boss is away for 3 weeks. Work seems more enjoyable when she's not around. FREEDOM! =D Zoomed off at 3pm! Even managed to wash my face with facial foam and re-powder my face before i left work for shopping! Retail therapy keeps the doctor away. (: John little was having sales, so mummy asked me to accompany her. After that we had ... ... ...
@ Billy Bombers 50% off!
Totally made my day. But it would be good if the cheese was more cheesy. I think it's worth it for around 8 bucks after the gst and everything. Their chocolate fondue is on 50% too! With ben&jerry ice cream. But it's more ex than the cheese fondue of course.. Btw, I'm so proud of my new notice board! No more excuses for stm! =D 
7:08 PM
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
The fragility of life ...
An old lady committed suicide from my block this afternoon. Heard from some other neighbours that she was mentally unstable, and the only person living with her was her maid. Her daughter was crying her lungs out. The fragility of life.When we meet with challenges that we deem so impossible to solve, time makes us realise that it wasn't that bad. Neither was it that impossible to overcome. Sometimes, life can just be that simple - if we choose to live it simply. Sometimes, life isn't that difficult to understand - if only we learn not to think too deeply into things. The loss of a life never fails to help me understand that while i'm having a hard time with life, someone else is having it much worse. Such is the fragility of life...
10:50 PM
Friday, April 23, 2010
就想赖着你
This blog is infested with cobwebs. Time to update! Celebrated baby's birthday last weekend. I prepared 26 different presents in a big box to celebrate his 26th birthday! And to make up for the past 25 birthdays that I wasn't there with him. (: We went for dinner at MOF. The food's not bad! At a reasonable price too. Walked around after that. Took lotsa photos! But it's gonna take damn long to upload here. So check it out from my facebook okay? (: Nothing much to update. Work's the same. Mummy has resigned. Next will be me. Intending to at the end of the year. Lotsa things happening at work. It's not a workable place anymore. But like what Miss Mary said, it's definitely a good experience for me. After all, it's still a place where I learnt much about life. The series of events have made me grow and mature. It has opened my eyes to the real working world. Scary as it may seem - that's the reality of life. Despite the hurts and challenges faced at work, I believe it makes me accept life the way it is...
Wednesday, April 07, 2010
So many thoughts running through my mind. But bottling up has become a habit such that I don't feel like saying anything. Opening up takes courage, and I don't think I possess that kind of courage now. I just want to lean on someone for support. Don't ask anything, don't say anything. Just hug on to me tight and assure me in your eyes that everything is going to be okay. I stare blankly at the stars on my ceiling in the night. Searching for hope Searching for assurance. I feel so lost. I don't seem to know what I'm suppossed to do. I don't like feeling helpless. I really really don't like this feeling.. I feel like crying and not having anyone to ask me to stop But having someone to tell me, "Cry it out if you must. It's okay. I'm here. I'll always be here.." I've been putting up a strong front and accumulating for far too long. It's all exploding. I really need you now.
10:37 PM | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | |
